Relationships - is the grass greener on the other side?
Updated: Nov 1, 2020
All relationships are subject to fluctuations. Be it family relations, friendships or intimate relationships, they go through cycles of harmony and disharmony, peace and conflict. Sometimes the disagreements are such that we'd rather move on to a different relationship than deal with the challenge in front of us. We believe that somewhere else the grass is greener and therefore a new relationship will be easier and more peaceful.
In this equation we forget that the difficulty does not stem from a person or from our relationship with them. It comes from the fact that our mind is filled with many years of memories as well as with our common story. We bring these memories and all the misunderstandings, judgments, conclusions and negative feelings with us every time we meet. If we believe the stories our mind tells, then these thoughts and feelings colour every aspect of our communications and interactions. Thus it is no wonder that it feels heavy at times to be with someone we have known for a long time...
Our encounters with a new person are free from all that memory baggage. We meet them with fresh eyes and a light heart. No negative undercurrents and memories influence our behaviour. The absence of a common history makes us believe that a relationship with this person is more peaceful - that this person is easier to get along with. However, if we stick around long enough, we will notice that the pattern of the previous relationship will repeat itself. If we believe the stories and memories in our mind to be true, then we bring them into every meeting with the new person and thus, the conflicts and difficulties will seem to repeat themselves.
The problem is not the person or the relationship. It is the fact that we meet the story in our mind about the person and not the person her/himself. Our encounters are coloured by chain-reactions to previous situations and memories instead of being meetings rooted in the Presence of the Self.
Meditation and the knowledge of Oneness have opened another Vision in us. Having studied the mind's mechanism, we know that thoughts, memories and conclusions are inevitable movements of the mind. As the Self, they are not the reality and they don't define us or our relationships. As the Self, we are free from the movements and One with all beings. That doesn't mean we are not aware of who we are dealing with and what the level of awareness of another person is. It just means we are meeting each and every person, including ourselves, as the Self; free from a story, free from opinions and judgments. That's how we remain free and offer freedom in return. And that's how we can meet old and new relationships in that same flow of Freedom.